What’s the Difference?

• Rumor: Widely spread talk with no reliable source to back it up.

• Gossip: widely spread talk with no reliable source to back up claims, usually involving misinformation that is humiliating and detrimental to an individual’s reputation

• Venting: “Venting” is today’s safe word for gossip. Venting can be complaining or letting some steam off, but the lines are blurred between venting and gossip. When one of these things occur, we tread into unhealthy gossip territory:
  • The intent is not to problem solve
  • The venter spreads bad vibes: by recounting the negative emotions, the person being vented too will also feel those negative emotions
  • Venting happens to the wrong people at the wrong time

When one of these three things happen, “Venting shifts into complaining, complaining turns to bashing. And the whole thing is one big, brooding nest of drama, perfect gossip-fodder.”

Resources/More Reading:

• If You’re Venting, Make Sure You’re Not Doing This One Thing
• The Next Time You Want to Complain at Work, Do This Instead

Extensive research literature shows “co-brooding,” AKA venting, has negative effects for all involved on mental health.

The trick is to avoid “co-brooding” and engage in “co-reflection” instead.

“Co-brooding is the tendency to talk about problems in a passive way, wishing things had turned out differently and feelings of disappointment and dejection would simply go away. Co-brooders also tend to focus on all the potentially bad consequences of a particular problem, often predicting future catastrophe,” Quartz says, explaining Bastin’s work.

On the other hand, co-reflection is reflecting with another with intent ” to gain a greater understanding of the situation. Using information gleaned from this process, individuals attempt to either seek a solution or prevent the negative event from occurring in the future.”

In short, co-brooding is passive. Co-reflection is active and solution-focused. And while brooding together is bad for both your mental state and your relationships, working through troubled times with co-reflection can be very beneficial indeed.

Resources/More Reading: 

• The 1 Type of Complaining That Will Make You Feel Better, According to Science